The Story Behind - Dean Attwood
After a catch up with Mary Fickling, she suggested that I make this months article about me, what got me into this industry and why I do the work I do…..? Well, that went down well haha. This has historically been somewhat of a challenge for me and I’m sure you might feel the same if I asked you to write about yourself...
Anyway, we all have a story and this is part of mine…
We all have faced challenges; they can leave a mark, others can leave a hefty scar, some can remain open, some fragmented, most painful, some boxed and locked away and never allowed to heal. Some are perceived so painful so draining we question everything. Others empower us and push us to places we never knew we had the strength to get to and beyond.
I had always been ‘ok’ and like most people I had faced a fair few hardships over the years; From being a few hours from death as a young teenager, after needing major bowel surgery and needing to heal from sepsis, and although I thought my years of being bullied as a kid were over, it started again. Starting two weeks late at a new High School when unable to take part in most activities and sports, being in pain, not being with friends from my previous school and unable to fight back, all made me an easy target.
I spent many years studying and training as a teenager to join the RAF, it was all I would ever talk about, however, I completely lost all of my motivation and spent 2 wasted years doing A ‘levels which I no longer cared about due to the decline of my eyesight in my final months of school.
Understandably I got depression after losing my mum to cancer at 24, which lead to anxiety and sleep disorders and in 2017 after a series of very stressful, and for me, life changing events lead me to having chronic anxiety and ultimately to a near suicide attempt…
My anxiety was savage it truly was, not only did I feel like a completely different person my over-thinking brain took it to a whole new level, it was beyond stratospheric.
Safe to say, I had become so much of a people pleaser, had very little in the way of boundaries and never put myself first, second or third for that matter. I felt I had poured everything that I had and I was into my family and when it came crashing down around me I felt I and all my efforts simply were not enough. I truly lost myself. I felt I was left with nothing. I was empty, numb, walking around in a bubble, closed, so numb, of little use and no value. I had lost all connection with myself and the world around me and in that dark dark place, I couldn’t see or feel any way out.
Although I felt deeply alone, in reality I was not alone. I had the help and support from my friends and in particular my sister who was always there, with never ending love, support, and an ear when I needed one.
My intention is not to make this a ‘poor me’ post. It most definitely has not been all bad, in fact I have had an incredible life so far, full of laughter, memories, travels and amazing experiences, but as I say we all go through hardships which are unique to us and the emotion we hold to these events create the memories for us all. Ultimately, it’s how we deflect, absorb or go into denial with the negative and painful ones, choosing to deal or not deal with them as the case may be.
My early days of work
Now unable to be a pilot in the RAF I needed a new focus, so as I enjoy keeping fit I started out as a Personal Trainer. My new goal was always to help and to be of service, to aid in other people’s goals. This as you can imagine was quite varied, but the psychology behind my client’s motives and their attitudes really fascinated me. I was now hooked on understanding the ‘why’ and more importantly the root cause.
My career as a PT and nutritionist for Hilton Hotels and ‘LivingWell Health Clubs’ quickly progressed to management, I passed. I wanted to continue my work dealing directly with my clients, so I opted for a more personal and exclusive environment which gave me the opportunity to work alongside some of the finest and inspirational instructors in the UK.
I taught within numerous esteemed gyms and studio locations, teaching an abundance of classes from basics to master classes. All bespoke and tailored to be specific, although I was fairly bossy and often called ‘Sergeant Major’ - it was always with a sense of humour and a smile! It was always about massive amounts of energy, care and motivation.
However, I felt it was only surface deep motivation and no more, so this led me to continuing my development as a mental and physical practitioner. I realised in order to better myself I needed to model more professional experts in the field of Health and Wellness. So, I began my quest and worked for some of the best in the country, from one the UK’s Leading Podiatrists and Biomechanical Practitioners to an international presenter and instructor on health, wellbeing and pain relief.
It was here I finished working as the Practice Manger of a leading spinal specialist physiotherapy clinic. Every opportunity was taken to further my knowledge and having invested many years treating many thousands of patients it became clear how the mental side of stress, trauma and anxiety played in the depth of people’s pain and as such is vital and pivotal in the role of their recovery.
My focus was always on the root cause, I always had a different approach to that of my colleagues, looking at injuries or challenges from different perspectives. It wasn’t just about settling the initial pain or trauma, it was understanding the ‘why’.
Despite all that I have seen, read and experienced, something was still missing. I made the decision to combine all of my training, knowledge and experience, everything I had learnt from my own personal challenges and recovery, the many books I have read and courses I have done, to not just help as many people as I can but to become a disrupter in the ‘mental health’ industry. To help people truly understand that they can make changes and that their current situation is not their final destination. That you can heal, not just surface type ‘I’m fine...’ bullshit, but to dig deep and dirty and be a catalyst for real change.
This led me to ask myself ‘How can I reach and truly help as many people as I can?’ – I would have to change how I worked, and so that’s what I did.
Most recently my business partner and I set up Integral Workplace Wellness where we work with companies and their staff to enable us to train staff to gain a qualification in Mental Health which in turn would help to increase overall knowledge of mental health challenges, to help create a workplace culture, reduce stigma and to encourage talking and communicating about Mental Health. To further help this we also offer a support service, not just with work ‘stuff’ but with personal challenges too. Providing real bespoke person to person care and support and giving each staff member tangible tools to help them cope now and in the future.
In addition to Integral Workplace Wellness, I continue to work as a Mindset & Performance Coach. For many years this has always been on a 1-2-1 basis or with small groups. I have known for some time I must write my book on Anxiety and in the near future to refine my own model and technique for dealing with Mental Health. But for now, I will be creating a platform from which to speak, therefore I will soon be running a fortnightly online session to offer help, support and guidance ranging from Fitness Training and motivation to helping with Anxiety grief and all other aspects of Mental Health.
I firmly believe all of our past experiences are gifted to us, we just need and must weather the initial storm. I am so grateful for those testing times and although never easy, I am so grateful for those gifts, as it has enabled me in turn to help so many people through their times of pain, darkness, fear and uncertainty.
Its understanding it’s our imperfections that make us unique, that you cannot become who you want to because you are too attached to the comfort of who you have been or the pain you have locked away or the story you keep telling yourself and others. For happiness is not just by change but also from choice.
Choosing to love yourself, warts and all!
As Rumi said “Appear as you are. Be as you appear.”
That it’s ok to make yourself a priority and not just an option.
That you are worthy.
Worthy to be loved
Worthy to love others
And most importantly worthy to love yourself.
That even on your darkest day you are still enough!
That some days you may feel truly alone, but no matter how shit things are and how they appear, that this too shall pass.
You can conquer the trauma and the limiting beliefs you have given yourself.
As I say to my clients; Do not get angry, get Sexy!
Healing, moving forward and creating real long-lasting change isn't just a wishful thought, it is a real & possible outcome and I’m going to help you make it a reality. I won’t say it will be easy, mine wasn't, in fact it most probably will be a real effort and might even cause more short-term pain and discomfort, as again Rumi said “The Cure for pain is in the pain.”
I’m telling you now it will be worth it. I’m here to help you, with lots of knowledge, lots of tools, lots of motivation, maybe a few Sergeant Major moments, but ultimately to get you to see, feel and be present with the very best version of you!
It’s all in you.
Written by Dean Attwood
Mindset and Performance Coach and Anxiety Expert
Owner and Director of Integral Workplace Wellness - a Mental Health Support & Training Company that specialises in Staff & Business support for SME’s - www.integralworkplacewellness.com
