A reminder… you are enough..
Written by Dean Attwood Mindset and Performance Coach and Anxiety Expert
Life has a way of reminding us; Sometimes in a funny way, sometimes not, sometimes it can come with a sting in its tail and others, well we just get a gentle nudge.
And for me this week, that’s what I’ve had.
I have had, like most I’m sure, a very busy week. No one held a gun to my head. It was me myself and I.
Running my own business with Coaching and Therapy, working on and growing my Mental Health Training and Support Company, making time for my two boys, life and house admin, keeping in touch with friends, food shopping, eating healthy, going to the gym, grabbing a walk, books, learning and studying, my list of jobs, then time for me… But, like most can relate, this is the short list….
The life Trifecta - Work and Money, Family & Friends and Health and Personal time.
Keeping things in balance is not always possible. But I feel keeping things in check is.
I have pointed towards ‘Self-Care’ and our self-language now a few times.
It really is such an important focal point.
We are ALL under a lot of this kind of pressure and it’s true, a lot of it can come from our own doing. But how we respond to it, our reaction, our follow through and how we speak to ourselves along this road of life, we must force our hand and get really honest with ourselves, the only real thing we can control is what we think; The language, the tone, the direction the meaning, the power and the purpose.
This month I had every intention of writing about ‘Mind Set’ asking questions to ascertain whether you are of a 'fixed'' or 'growth' mindset. I had started to set up questions, examples and hoped to create an interesting blog for you all to read, to test yourself and then had thoughts to create a few tools to help you moving forward.
Time was slipping away, pressure building, compounded by a crazy week. So many deadlines.
Then a little mind slip and in that slip the ground can start to open up below us.
Some of my friends write so fluidly, it seems so effortless for them. The words always seem to write themselves so coherent and clear.
For me however, this is not the case.
These blogs, or any written work I do, they always take me a very long time.
Which is another reason why I do them.
I had, as I always do, done a lot of reading and prep work. I started to doubt whether I would get it all done - The ground opened up a little more and that old over-thinking brain just deciding to step up a gear.
Whether the standard I ask of myself would be enough, I started to get caught up questioning myself, if you the readers would enjoy it. Would you even like it…. Have you even liked any of my work so far… Maybe you do not……
It’s not a fear per se, I am thrilled when I receive feedback knowing I have helped someone in a positive way and I also like reading the occasional critical comment, it helps me to step up. It pushes me to do what I don’t excel at, helps to push me forward, to help my growth.
But this does come with a cost; Stepping into fearful ground comprising more of uncertainty than certainty.
The cost of previous damaging feedback swirling around your head from the past, saying,
“I’m not good enough”, “that work will never be as good as it could be”, that “you will never be anything”, that “what you say has no merit”, that “you are not qualified enough”. Old memories of mistakes and feeling that dread of not feeling good enough, or second guessing yourself.
At times like this, whether you personally label it as; overthinking, anxious thoughts, automatic negative thoughts (ANTs), maybe even destructive ones, the list can go on and on.
We must give ourselves a minute to stop, to breath and to realise that our overthinking brain is about to produce a show and it will be one almighty show. It will come with all of the amazing lights, camera and action. Exploding out computer generated image and all manner of techniques to show and try to prove the old stories, old language, old programs, that they are still needed. To make us stop, to create a fear, to make us second or third guess ourselves.
...” what if…”
That in this amazing film with the unreal, made up, ‘sad sack’ version of ourselves as the director using False Evidence Appearing as Real with the lights and the glitter.
It will display in all of its glory, in full HD and if left unchecked it will start to project through your eyes and into your life.
However, we must stop.
Breath
Not just think
Not just know
But to acknowledge it.
To feel it and then to own it.
Call it out and even go so far as to say thank you for it.
Work through it, grab it by the balls and drag it with you.
Knowing that we don’t respond to what happens, but by our perception to what’s happening.
That this is not the real reflection of our true selves.
That these little niggling thoughts of ‘failure’ or ‘fear’ or ‘getting things wrong’, or ‘not being good enough’ might feel bad but are so so important, as fuel, as our push, our path and our way forward. Its stepping into it and the knocking down of these walls that lay the path to our greater selves and our best life.
Look beyond the initial stress of getting whatever it is done and the pressure that can ensue.
At all times, please remember, you are enough and you are doing your best.
Even on days when you are not at full or even half strength.
You are doing your best.
You are always enough.
Such a simple and short sentence.
You may not always think it
You may not always feel it
But you truly are.
Being slightly harder on yourself can be helpful if that energy, drive and motivation is useful and used in creativity, movement and progress. But not if it results in the loss of yourself and the destruction of your language, health and personal headspace.
It’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to fail. Yes, to fail. Although this does not mean to quit.
Get things wrong and be ok with it, in fact be great with it.
Get used to being certain in uncertainty.
You are so worth it, learn, grow, keep your chin high and that sexy smile on your face.
So, choose it, choose the harder path, you know you can do it. You may stumble you may fall. Step up, step forward and keep moving forward, allow yourself to embrace support, knowing it is not weakness but healthy and sometimes necessary.
I continue to choose the harder path, to learn and grow as it is a true passion of mine.
So, I wanted to share my experience, as we are only human.
Break away from a human being and choose to be a human feeling.
Life is not what’s happening around you.
Its what’s happening inside of you.
Your inner peace.
Focus on that.
Written by Dean Attwood
Mindset and Performance Coach and Anxiety Expert
Owner and Director of Integral Workplace Wellness - a Mental Health Support & Training Company that specialises in Staff & Business support for SME’s - www.integralworkplacewellness.com
