Self-Care This Christmas and Mastering the Moment

Dean Attwood Mindset and Performance Coach and Anxiety Expert

 

At the start of the year I discussed the definition of Self-Care.

- The Practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.

The Practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness,

in particular during periods of stress.

 

I went on to further explain that there are over 14,660,000,000 results given from Google on the topic of ‘Self-Care’.

With so many articles on Google, why are we struggling to master Self-Care OR, I feel the deeper question we each need to ask ourselves is:

“For what reason am I not allowing myself to be kind to myself?”

 

---- Thinking needed at this point ---- 

 

 

Is it a habit that is the issue here?

For so long we have unequivocally convinced ourselves that if we criticise ourselves hard enough, that the criticism will lead to change….

If we are harsh enough, we believe we will end up being kind…

If we shame ourselves, we believe we will end up loving ourselves.

This is so very wrong. There is no circumstance where shame will lead to love.

Only love leads to love!

 

This Christmas, Self-Care for me is an absolute must. Why, you may ask?

Well, my Christmas this year is going to be about change – and we all know how much everyone likes change…

I took a step back from writing these articles and a fair amount of my work back in July due to my father’s ill health. My family and I were informed of his diagnosis towards the end of June, he sadly passed a few months later on the 11^th October. I was fortunate enough to be able to enjoy so much of his company in his final months and I was with him through his last breaths.

Left with the hole that both of my parents have now passed.

I am in pain and the grief is truly shite, plus the effect it is having on my emotions, my behaviours, my motivations or lack thereof is notable.

 

Self-Care for me means, listening to myself and honouring what I truly need.

Not blocking any emotions, feeling them, listening to the messages and allowing the pain to pass and not being in fear and blocking it.

Of course, I do not want to be in pain or to be sad or in a bad mood but after this level of grief it is very normal, and furthermore, sometimes that’s how we are, due to what’s going on inside of us.

 

So, I will Master the moment.

Breath and ask myself how I want to feel.

To set my intention, to not allow myself to get lost in the old.

Honour and love the past and what it was, to focus on the here and now.

 

 

Taking myself for walks and hikes, playing music, enjoy getting back into my fitness, making plans with friends, even when I might just want to stay inside. Starting new hobbies, I’ll have my CBT licence soon and I’m also going for skiing lessons.

I will re-create my morning routine and get back to the power of 1.

 

In my last article, ‘A Change in Direction’ I talked about the power of 1 and ‘doing’ 1 or 1 extra per day can create amazing change.

Weather it was 1 extra push up, 1 extra squat, drinking 1 extra glass of water or reading 1 extra page of a book.

However, we are not just human doings we are also human beings.

How do you want to be and more importantly feel?

For many, Christmas is a magical time, for parties, meeting friends and family, plenty of food and drink, watching old movies, gifts and laughter, generally great times.

 

 

However, Christmas can also come with a mental cost, the graceful smile hiding pain, sadness and isolation.

 

It is not about permission.

It is about you.

Gift yourself space and time without quarrel.

Silence your negative back chat.

Place the guard on the door of your mind.

Slow down and be in the moment, understand and accept that this takes a little practice.

 

Practice stopping.

Gift yourself time and be in the moment.

Focus on what you need, not want, need.

 

If you say to yourself,

“I am trying to give myself time…”

Take away the word ‘trying’ from your vocabulary, watch how things start to shift.

“I am giving myself time.”

Your words programme who you are!

 

DISCONNECT TO CONNECT

 

Maybe you should put down the phone, reduce scrolling through endless social media, catch yourself checking posts and messages.  

If your behaviour has become toxic, be aware of it, catch it in the act, acknowledge it.

Feel what you feel. Then remind yourself how you want to feel.

Choose your words and reinforce them carefully.

 

Again, master your moment, one second at a time if needed.

Knowing its ok to spend time with yourself, but also know it’s good to spend time with friends and family who help to make you laugh and be happy, especially when you tell yourself you would rather be by yourself.

You might need to give yourself a mental kick to get out of the house, or your comfort zone.

 

Let go of anyone who is toxic or narcissistic, protect your energy, your space and your peace.

Feel, be open, feel the emotion but resist going into the old story and stop yourself falling into the old monologue - Keep your guard at the door of your mind.

 

Enjoy the little things and celebrate all of your wins, no matter how small.

Do you, and be at peace with who you are.

It is ok to say no, without reason or validation.

Ask for help if you need it.

Know that you may have longer days and darker nights.

Get comfy, play music, read, watch a film, the morning will soon arrive.

1 brick at a time, build your resilience.

 

And lastly, Christmas is a time for giving, one of the greatest gifts you can give this Christmas is to yourself. So, listen to your body;

 

Respect it when your body is asking you for a break.

Respect it when your mind is seeking rest.

Honour yourself when you need a moment just for you.

Learn to slow it all down and Master the moment.

 

Merry Christmas.

 

Dean